


faded in my last song

by jaejaesus



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Implied dojae, M/M, Songfic, Tearjerker, implied nohyuck, implied renmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:54:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27062260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaejaesus/pseuds/jaejaesus
Summary: Between schoolworks and personal life, highschool sweethearts Huang Renjun and Lee Donghyuck found their relationship on thin ice as they realized their love wasn’t the same anymore.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan
Comments: 15
Kudos: 18





	faded in my last song

_highschool senior year_

“Donghyuck, stop beating around the bush! You have been preparing for this since like, our first year. You can’t stop now,” Mark said, exasperation in his voice.

Donghyuck groaned as he moved down his body from the bed towards the floor. He grabbed the slipper and threw it at the college freshman. Mark may have been his best friend, probably the first person he knew besides his parents, the first person who he came out to, and the first person who he knew could give logical love advice, but he had no right to dictate when and where was he going to talk to the love of his life.

“Did you really just throw a slipper at me?” Mark asked as he picked up the object from the floor and threw it towards the door of his bedroom.

“I just don’t know, okay?” Donghyuck told him, his facial expression contorted in a confused and stressed look that Mark was sure that in any second, the younger would try to rip his hair off.

“Why don’t you know? I thought you talked to him already.”

“I did!” Donghyuck protested.

“Then?”

He sighed as he turned around on the bed. What exactly was holding him back?

“Hey, Lee Donghyuck!” Mark called to gain the younger’s attention.

Donghyuck groaned as he sat up on the bed as he started to kick his legs as if he was a five-year old child.

“What?” he whined at the older, “I told you about how our first conversation went!”

“You did?” Mark challenged, wanting the younger to tell him instead.

_Now, this was a sight to behold,_ the older thought as he simply watched Donghyuck try to rip his hair off.

Donghyuck halted in his actions and glared at Mark. The older could see the little flames that came out of the younger’s nose as he breathed in and out aggressively.

To say that Mark was not scared was an understatement. Donghyuck could tend to be aggressive when given the opportunity, but he wouldn’t give in. And so, he maintained his cool as he continued to look at Donghyuck.

So maybe the older should start talking now. Donghyuck was still silent as he continued to shoot daggers at Mark.

The older gulped, not sure what was going on through the younger’s mind.

Mark was nervous, but nonetheless, attempted to get the younger out of his reverie.

“Donghyuck?”

As soon as he heard his name, Donghyuck immediately snapped out from the previous state he was in and looked up to the older’s gaze. 

His thoughts were all over the place, to the point he found himself overthinking about his failed attempts at trying to befriend the person he found himself falling for.

_What were the odds of me falling for him? He’s just like the rest_ , Donghyuck told himself, but he knew how wrong the last sentence was.

Renjun, Huang Renjun, was everything one would look for in a person. Smart, beautiful, witty, quick to catch on what is wrong, and someone a person could easily rely on. Now Donghyuck wasn’t sure about the last part, with Renjun being someone a person could depend on. But he does see it whenever the latter would interact with his own circles of friends.

Donghyuck cursed at the thought of how easy it was for Na Jaemin to talk to Renjun, while he was struggling to even wave at the other.

As he thought more, he found himself remembering the time where he and Renjun first met back in their first year in highschool.

  
  
  
  


_It was a bright day, with the sun smiling down upon those who wish to see them. Donghyuck enjoyed walking under the sun, feeling its rays on his skin. He enjoyed how the air would make contact with his skin, and as his hair would fly around as the air would hit it._

_It was a lovely day indeed, in his opinion._

_Earphones plugged in his ears as he played a song, the one which the tune is familiar to him. All songs were familiar since it was his playlist, but this one was the one trending nowadays and he loved every second of the track._

_As the song started to play, Donghyuck could feel his limbs immediately reacting to its beat, as if the song had been made known to every part of his body._

_A lovely day it was as Donghyuck started to slide down the pavement and did a little bit of footwork he found himself learning during his freetime._

_Now, dancing was one of the favorite things he would love to do. But as he thought about it, dancing was probably going to stay as a hobby to de-stress._

_Donghyuck smiled at the thought of dancing during his free time. It was the only time he felt like himself. As he continued to move to the rhythm, his limbs popping and locking here and there, the latter didn’t notice that someone was speeding from behind him with their bicycle._

_“Hey!” the person called._

_‘“Hey!” the person tried again._

_“Hey!”_

_Of course Donghyuck wouldn’t notice, the music in his ears was as loud as his heart screams in happiness as he continued to dance._

_He didn’t even bother to apologize to his seniors who looked at him, confused as to why he was dancing out of nowhere._

_Playing the music too loudly was a mistake._

_“Hey!” the person called out one last time, but it was no use._

_Donghyuck didn’t hear his calling, and only when the person passed too close to him did he notice that someone was speeding up behind him._

_The mood to dance suddenly disappeared as he yelped when he felt someone push him from behind._

_Donghyuck was grateful for the seat he managed to land on when he fell. Otherwise, he would already have a scratch on his arm and in some parts of his body._

_“Watch where you’re going next time, will you!” he screamed at the person who was now a few meters away._

_He huffed at the thought that he didn’t manage to catch the person’s face. If the person turned out to be a student on campus, Donghyuck would already have reported him to the student council president._

_How Donghyuck knew the student council president was simple. It was his best friend’s older brother, who also treats him as if he was his own._

_Donghyuck was too immersed in his thoughts to the point that it blurred out the noises around him. So maybe he was in too deep because he didn’t realize that the seat he was currently on was actually a lap of a person who he never met._

_The person behind him coughed awkwardly as he kept the book he was holding on closer to his face, afraid that it would be seen._

_Donghyuck was confused at first, thinking that benches would cough. At first, he disregarded it, but when the cough came for the second, he found himself moving too quickly that it caused the person to yelp in pain._

_“Oh my gosh,” was the first thing he let out as he realized that it was actually a person who he sat on._

_The person in question, simply peeped the other from behind his book._

_Donghyuck bowed in apology, “I am so sorry.”_

_The person smiled, “It’s okay. You looked like you were enjoying your dance too much earlier.”_

_“Yeah, dancing is kind of my thing,” he replied as he rubbed his neck awkwardly._

_Silence came between them, and Donghyuck wasn’t sure if he should get going or not. But the more he looked at the other, he wasn’t sure if he could find it in him to move._

_The person in front of him looked like he had ever seen. His face looked so ethereal under the daylight that it made Donghyuck envy him. There was something about the other that made him attracted to him, like a magnet attracting metals._

_“Hey, aren’t you going to get going?” the person asked._

_“C-can I get your name?” Donghyuck stuttered out which ended up scolding himself in his mind._

_The person simply smiled at him as he closed his book and placed it on his lap, “Renjun, Huang Renjun.”_

_Donghyuck nodded as he felt the palms of his hands sweat. What was he feeling? He wasn’t sure, but what he knew was that it was a foreign feeling. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to like it, but that would be a question for later._

_“T-thank you,” he managed to stutter out despite his mind being all over the place._

_He bowed goodbye and started to fast-walk away the person, who he now knew as Huang Renjun._

_As Renjun looked at the retreating figure, Jaemin approached him and sat on the space next to him, coffee in both hands._

_Jaemin gave Renjun his cup of coffee, and soon, drank from his own cup._

_“So,” Jaemin started._

_“What?” Renjun questioned as he took a sip of coffee as well._

_Jaemin raised him an eyebrow, as if telling him that he shouldn’t always act dumb when being questioned._

_Renjun groaned, “Jaemin, I seriously have no idea what you are trying to tell me.”_

_The other shrugged as he leaned backwards on the bench._

_“So what was_ the _Lee Donghyuck doing here with you?” Jaemin asked._

_Renjun choked a little bit from the liquid he was consuming, then managed to compose himself._

_“What about him?”_

_“Renjun.”_

_“Fine!”_

_Even when Donghyuck had walked a few meters, he managed to hear what kind of conversation the two were having. It wasn’t like he was surprised, Jaemin was known to have a loud mouth in the year._

_He just doesn’t expect him to witness a conversation that was particularly about him._

  
  
  
  


Donghyuck screamed as he jumped back on Mark’s bed, using the blanket to cover the whole of his body as he kicked his legs, wishing to forget he didn’t do that in the first place.

After that, he wasn’t even sure what kind of impression he had left to Renjun. And now, just by thinking about it, it seemed bad, like _bad_ bad.

Donghyuck could hear shuffling across the floor, then incoming footsteps. He stayed quiet knowing Mark was about to give another one of his stupid advices. He even rolled his eyes, knowing that the older wouldn’t be able to see it.

“Stupid,” was the first thing Mark said as he sat down next to Donghyuck’s body.

Donghyuck immediately pushed himself up and looked at Mark with bewildered eyes.

“Stupid?” he repeated with a questioning tone.

“You could have explained to him about it the following day, you know,” Mark said.

“I have my own regrets! Don’t remind me!”

A few hours later, Donghyuck informed Mark that he was going to go home now, to which Mark jokingly replied with _stop being a coward_. The younger simply rolled his eyes and waved him goodbye.

Once he arrived in the comforts of his own bedroom in his own home, which lived just across the street from Mark’s, he immediately laid on his bed as more thoughts came in. 

It wasn’t that he was scared of Renjun, the other seemed too kind for his own good. There was just something about it that he couldn’t pinpoint.

Donghyuck shook his head as if it would let all those thoughts leave his mind. He then concluded that the best remedy to forget about everything was to binge-watch.

That was how he ended up in his cousin’s bedroom, who had a projector in case they needed to watch something from Netflix. Sadly though, it was just by himself tonight, his cousin not in plain sight.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Weeks has passed since Donghyuck found himself complaining to Mark about how he can’t muster up the courage to talk to Renjun. But, who can actually muster up the courage? Huang Renjun was Huang Renjun, literal perfection if you were to ask him.

But now, he knew that he needed to act on it.

It wasn’t until forever would he hide in the shadows and mourn over his love for his fellow batchmate.

_But what if I end up messing this up? There is no way he would talk to me again._

_Lee Donghyuck, remember how you first encountered him. You don’t want that to happen again , right?_

Donghyuck ruffled his hair in frustration as he erased the thoughts that were clouding his head. It wasn’t that he didn’t have the courage — if he were to be completely honest, he had _little to zero courage._

But that wasn’t the point. The point right now was how was he supposed to act normal without having to mess this up. And this was Huang Renjun, who knows what kind of standards he has.

_Wait, does he even like guys?_

Donghyuck slapped himself on his forehead as he forgot to ask himself that question. He wasn’t even sure if the other was into the same sex.

“What if I mess up?” he muttered under this breath.

“What will you mess up?” a voice asked him from behind.

Donghyuck was startled at the action and yelped as he stumbled forward, then looked at who did it. He never expected it to be _him_ though.

He gulped as he regained his composure. So much for leaving a good _second_ first impression.

Renjun let out a small laugh at the action Donghyuck did, and he couldn’t help but to feel light in his insides. So as the person in front of him laughed, he laughed as well.

“I didn’t expect you to be such a scaredy cat, to be honest,” Renjun suddenly remarked after he stopped laughing.

This caused Donghyuck to be a red mess as he tried to hide the embarrassment from his face.

“I am not a scaredy cat!” he protested which ended up in a pout.

The other chuckled, “Maybe you actually aren’t. I just wanted to tease you, that’s all.”

_Him?_

_Wanting to tease me?_

Donghyuck calmed himself down as he didn’t want to squeal in front of the love of his smile. Instead, he clenched his fists hard to refrain from squealing. So maybe it was way too hard, for Renjun noticed how his fists were starting to turn white.

“Uh, Lee Donghyuck?” Renjun called.

Donghyuck hummed.

“Your fists, its turning white.”

And as he looked down at his own fists, that was when Donghyuck noticed how it actually turned white and that Renjun wasn’t lying to him.

He hurriedly unclenched them as he wiped them on the front of his pants. Donghyuck simply gave out a small laugh to ease the tension.

Renjun chuckled for the nth time during the few minutes they were spending together. 

If Donghyuck were to be asked, he would answer about how ironic this situation is. He didn’t expect for him to talk one on one with the other in the school halls. And he definitely didn’t expect for Renjun to strike the interaction first.

He was even more surprised when he realized that the other was walking towards him. And the next thing he knew, Renjun’s arm was slung around his shoulders as he was being pulled close.

Despite their height difference — with Renjun being shorter than himself, Donghyuck felt small in the other’s presence. It might be because the other was the one leading them both.

_Yeah, that might be the reason_ , he told himself.

Internally, Donghyuck was telling his heart to calm down and that he shouldn’t let his guard down. If he did, then this whole thing would turn into a complete disaster. He was already grateful that the _trying to approach Renjun_ became an easier task since the other talked to him first. But Donghyuck still wasn’t too confident in himself.

“Why are you so tense, Lee Donghyuck?” Renjun asked, breaking the silence between them.

That question already made Donghyuck’s heart do a flip. 

But when he felt Renjun squeeze him by the shoulder, he just wanted to melt right there and then. He was even too deep in his thoughts that he forgot the other was struggling to keep his hold on him while walking. It would have been fine if they were being stationary, but they were walking.

With that realization, Donghyuck then unwrapped the other’s arm from his body. 

Renjun was grateful that Donghyuck wasn’t looking at him, by the way. Because if Donghyuck did look at him, he would already have seen the small blush creeping on his face.

After he unwrapped it, Donghyuck then placed it carefully on the other’s side, as if Renjun’s arm would get injured even if he placed little force on it. Then, with the courage he had, he slowly wrapped his arm around Renjun’s shoulder.

The first thing that went through Donghyuck’s mind was that he could not believe he just did that.

And Renjun? He was feeling the same way as Donghyuck felt when he was the one initiating the action.

  
  
  
  
  


Ever since that day in the school halls, Donghyuck had found himself spending more time with Renjun. It was as if it was a need for the both of them to spend time together. It wasn’t like he was complaining though. Because every time after they would meet, his heart would be singing out of glee. 

And today was one of those days, his heart singing inside him as if it had won a lottery. 

From the way home from school, Donghyuck felt giddy inside as he recalled the things he and Renjun talked about earlier.

_(“You idiot! The teacher didn’t say that the homework would start from this page,” Renjun told Donghyuck._

_Donghyuck simply shrugged, “Then what did the teacher say?”_

_The other huffed as he scooted away from Donghyuck, “If you are doing this on purpose, I am afraid that I would have to leave you.”_

_Donghyuck was aware that Renjun was just joking, but he decided to play along to see the other’s reaction.)_

Donghyuck felt warmth on his cheeks as he recalled his action earlier. It was kind of unshameful for him to do, with the way he acted all cute in front of Renjun. He also swore that the other must have been flustered since Renjun choked a little bit and became a stuttering mess earlier.

He chuckled at the memory, and was happy that he managed to get closer to the love of his life.

As his train of thoughts came to a halt, the next thing he knew was that he was already in front of his house. 

Normally, Donghyuck would have visited Mark at the older’s home. But sadly, that wasn’t really happening because the older was living in their university’s dorms and just visited his household on the weekends.

As he continued to stare at the house across from his, Donghyuck didn’t notice the incoming Mrs. Lee, who was bringing some tupperwares that probably was filled with different viands for he and his older cousin to eat.

“Oh Hyuck,” Mrs. Lee greeted, bringing Donghyuck out of his stupor.

Donghyuck bowed to the older woman as he greeted, “Good afternoon, Mrs. Lee.”

The lady chuckled, “You don’t have to be too formal around me, Donghyuck.”

“I’m just respecting those who are older than me.”

Mrs. Lee nodded in understanding, happy that Donghyuck was a well-mannered person and not like those who she has seen on dramas and films.

“By the way Mrs. Lee,” Donghyuck called out.

The lady hummed.

“What’s with all the tupperwares?”

“Ah this,” Mrs. Lee pointed towards the objects on her hand with her chin, “The two tupperwares on the top are for you and Doyoung.”

“Two? Then what about the other two?” Donghyuck asked.

“Oh right, you must haven’t heard about it yet.”

Donghyuck’s curiosity rose as Mrs. Lee continued on with her thriller antics, as if she was narrating an ending that was a cliffhanger.

He rose an eyebrow at the lady, and Mrs. Lee just shrugged him off, used to his antics as well because of the amount of times he had visited their place.

“These are for the family that just moved in,” she finally said.

_A new family?_

_As if I care,_ Donghyuck thought to himself.

After that, Mrs. Lee asked him to take the two tupperwares at the top of the stack before she would proceed to visit the new family’s home.

He thanked her as he took the said tupperwares and bowed to her before she left.

Mrs.Lee reminded him to not skip meals to which Donghyuck simply chuckled at, telling her that eating was a need for him.

She then waved him goodbye as she started off on her own way.

Donghyuck smiled at the retreating form as he then looked at the objects that he was currently holding. Mrs. Lee was always a caring person, giving him and Doyoung food every chance she could get.

It wasn’t that his parents weren't living at their house. They were just a little bit too busy with their work as they prepared for their upcoming promotions. Donghyuck wasn’t complaining though, for his parents were doing that so they could provide for their family and there was Doyoung, the only cousin he was close with and who could also cook.

Donghyuck took one last look around his surroundings and noticed a moving truck a few blocks away from his house.

“Must be the new family,” he said to himself.

He shrugged that information off then proceeded to head inside the house.

As he twisted the door to the house though, he didn’t expect to see an unfamiliar pair of shoes by the doorstep. He was about to shout loudly to call his cousin’s name, but stopped himself when he saw someone coming out of the kitchen.

It was after that Donghyuck threw away the thought of someone possibly attempting to steal their stuff, seeing as to how it was only Jaehyun who came out of the kitchen.

“Oh Donghyuck, you’re home,” Doyoung suddenly said as he came out from his room then to the stairway.

The older calling out to him took him out of his reverie as he looked up and smiled.

Doyoung was about to wave him off, seeing as how Donghyuck didn’t respond to his greeting. But interest piqued in him as he saw what the younger was holding.

“Donghyuck, did Mrs. Lee give us food again?” he asked as he continued to walk down the stairway.

“Mrs. Lee?” Jaehyun asked after a while of simply observing the two.

“Our neighbor,” Doyoung answered to which Jaehyun nodded at.

Donghyuck, who was still by the doorway, turned around behind to close the door and removed his shoes from his feet. He walked further inside the house, through the living room and finally at the kitchen. He placed down the tupperware on top of the table and sat down on one of the chairs that accompanied it.

Now, Doyoung wasn’t sure why Donghyuck wasn’t responding to any of the statements being thrown at him. It didn’t seem that Donghyuck was mad though, seeing how his face was simply neutral.

What threw him off his seat though was when Donghyuck suddenly squealed and Jaehyun got startled at the action.

So maybe Donghyuck wasn’t mad.

Maybe he was just that good at acting.

“Doyoung!” Donghyuck’s voice was high and Doyoung knew what this was all about.

Jaehyun, who was standing beside him, gave him a look but he simply shrugged him off.

“Yes, Donghyuck?”

“You could not believe what just happened today!” the younger squealed in his seat.

And as time grew with the three of them eating on the dining table, and with Donghyuck recalling the events that happened today and about his interactions with Renjun, Jaehyun felt left out and he was pouting at how he couldn’t relate to any of the topics they were talking about.

Even his own boyfriend didn’t bother to enlighten him who Huang Renjun was.

But seeing as to how Donghyuck was squealing every time the name slipped out of his mouth, Jaehyun guessed that this Huang Renjun guy was Donghyuck’s crush.

  
  
  
  
  


It happened during one of their daily meet-ups in the library where Donghyuck finally had the courage to confess to his newly acquainted friend. But he didn’t really expect how the event unfolded.

In his mind, he expected that he was going to be the one opening up to the other. But what happened just now was not what he expected.

“Donghyuck, you like me, don’t you?” Renjun mentioned out of the blue as he continued to scribble down notes from the book he was reading.

This distracted Donghyuck from his work as he stopped all movement, which resulted in his pen falling down to the floor.

Donghyuck felt himself all tensed up as he tried to form any logical reason as to how the other found about his feelings towards him. Was he too obvious with his actions? Was he too clingy? Oh boy was Donghyuck clingy when it comes to the people he loved.

Different possibilities went swarming around his mind, and he had no idea which possibility should he believe in. His mind was practically screaming that he was probably too obvious about his feelings.

It made Donghyuck shudder, because he was so sure that he wasn’t obvious with his feelings. He was so deep in his thoughts that he didn’t notice Renjun had also stopped in his work.

“So you do like me!” the other gasped, which made Donghyuck even more confused.

_What is going on?_

“Uh, Renjun?” Donghyuck finally spitted out some words after a while.

“Thank goodness that Na Jaemin is a good love advisor,” Renjun continued, not minding that Donghyuck called out to him.

“Renjun?”

“I mean, I kinda suspected that you like me back, but I am actually not one to bring my hopes up for something so trivial.”

“Y-you like me?” Donghyuck managed to sputter out, his mind only picking up those three words and blurring out the rest.

And that finally took Renjun’s attention as he stopped in his own train.

_Oh fuck_ , Renjun thought. But in a good way, seeing how the other reciprocated his feelings.

He chuckled at the other, who was still trying to process everything.

“Was I not obvious?” Renjun asked as he pouted in a joking manner.

“I-i…” Donghyuck was trying to form a proper sentence in his mind, but fuck, why was it not cooperating?

His brain short circuited even further as he felt Renjun touching the tip of his fingers. 

“Donghyuck,” Renjun called out.

Donghyuck simply hummed in response, his mind still not able to work properly.

“I am so sorry for surprising you, but I actually do like you.”

If Donghyuck’s mind was already out of his body when Renjun suddenly mentioned that he knew about his feelings, he felt his soul flying out of his body when he heard Renjun say the exact three words he wanted him to say.

Panic rose in Renjun as he saw that Donghyuck was starting to go pale. He hurriedly went to the other’s side and felt his skin. It was cold, and it made him worry.

“Donghyuck,” he called out.

“Donghyuck.”

“Lee Donghyuck,” Renjun called out in a quiet manner, but his voice was firm.

And he did not expect the other to giggle.

How does one even gain the audacity to giggle even after worrying the other?

“What the fuck Lee Donghyuck. Are you aware of how worried I was, and how fast my heart was beating because I thought you were about to faint in the library?”

Donghyuck simply giggled at that as he looked down to Renjun, who was crouching by the floor next to him. He ran his fingers through the other’s hair, as if it was his first time. Then he cupped Renjun’s cheek and drew circles on it.

Donghyuck simply giggled, and he giggled even more when he saw Renjun pouting and snickering at the same time.

He stopped drawing circles on Renjun’s cheek and pulled him in close to him.

“Don’t worry Huang Renjun, my heart beats for you and you only.”

Both of them were grateful that the library was empty and it was only them inside. Even the librarian was nowhere to be seen.

And because of that, they found themselves not going ashame as they squealed at the top of their lungs.

“I can’t believe you like me!” Donghyuck squealed.

“I can’t believe you like me back as well! I didn’t even believe Jaemin when he said that you liked me.”

“Na Jaemin knows!?” 

“Well, he is quite a big mouth, and not only that. My best friend might also be known for being quick-witted when it comes to feelings,” Renjun said as he scratched his neck.

Donghyuck wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be happy about that or was he supposed to be disappointed at the fact that Jaemin managed to catch on to his feelings.

Anywho, he was just glad that he didn’t have to sing a Britney Spears song just for him to express his love to the person in front of him.

  
  
  
  
  


༒❦༒︎

  
  
  
  
  
  


_senior year in university_

A couple of years has passed since that eventful day in the library which resulted in a lot of memorable events to Donghyuck and Renjun’s relationship. As far as Renjun could recall, he remembered that the following week Donghyuck decided to propose to him to his prom date, and at the peak of prom night, he finally asked him to be his boyfriend.

And then, after they had graduated from highschool and were preparing for university, he and Donghyuck had come to an agreement that instead of living in the school dorms, they would rent out an apartment instead.

Thank goodness that their parents agreed with their conditions as well, the pair promising that their GPA would at least be 3.1, which exactly wasn’t hard for them since they were quite excellent in their studies.

During the past years, Donghyuck and Renjun had gone through a lot of ups and downs together. From trying to adjust to the university life when they were freshmen to having to deal with the other when they were pulling an all-nighter.

And the more Renjun thought about it, he found himself being grateful for having Donghyuck by his side. Without the other, he would probably have been one of Jaemin’s slaves right now.

He felt his heart sing in content as the night grew. He had just finished all of his tasks, that was why he was recalling all the things he and Donghyuck had done.

From all of their firsts to all of their recents, he recalled it all, reminiscing every detail of it.

But he would never admit the main reason why he was having those thoughts. Because he still had hope.

Hope that one day, they will go back to how they used to be.

As it struck midnight, Renjun tried to hold back a sob when he heard the door to their apartment opening and close, and shuffling of footsteps as it walked on the floor. He was glad that on the day of them moving, he and Donghyuck agreed to buy separate beds.

But Renjun did not expect that he was going to be glad about it because he doesn’t want Donghyuck to know that he would actually cry every night at the thought that maybe the other was already becoming distant, even though the both of them had promise each other forever during their first anniversary as a couple.

  
  
  
  
  


Donghyuck was not sure when it had all gone wrong. He was so sure about his feelings for his boyfriend. Heck, he even promised him a future of them together living in a subdivision in Gangnam, and that once they were already at the age of gray hair, they would be living in the countryside, their house being a cabin together with the dog they had adopted when they were still in their 30s.

But where did it all go wrong?

Ah, that’s right.

_It was because of the new family that moved in that day back during their last year in highschool._

“Fuck,” Donghyuck said as he closed his eyes and clenched his fist on his lap.

“Donghyuck?” someone called out to him.

Donghyuck opened one eye of his, and there, standing in front of him was Na Jaemin, Renjun’s best friend.

“So it really is you,” Jaemin said.

“What?” Donghyuck said as blank as he could, for he didn’t exactly have the energy to be enthusiastic in a conversation right now.

If only Donghyuck was in a proper mind, he would already have noticed that the look on Jaemin’s face was one of softness and understanding. 

He felt someone sit next to him on the bench, and he didn’t mind about it, his thoughts louder than his surroundings.

At first, Jaemin was silent. His mind not sure if this was actually the right thing to do — to talk to Renjun's boyfriend instead of Renjun. But his heart was telling him that he should, for his best friend.

Jaemin was about to speak up to Donghyuck, but the latter had beaten him to it.

“I know,” Donghyuck said.

“What?” Jaemin replied.

Donghyuck sighed as he looked up at the night sky, “You know about it, right? How everything isn’t the same?”

“Donghyuck—”

“Jaemin,” he called as he looked at the person next to him, “don’t worry about me. Worry about Renjun instead.”

“But—”

“Jaemin, I admit that everything isn’t how we expected, and that the promise of forever is about to break any moment now.”

“But Donghyuck,” Jaemin finally managed to say without the other cutting him off, “you can still fix this, the both of you still can. If you just communicate, then everything would be back to normal.”

Donghyuck sighed as he leaned into the bench as he rested his head on top of it.

“You just don’t understand, do you?” he asked Jaemin.

“I do, I really do,” Jaemin answered.

“Then you must also know that you are not the only one who is quick-witted when it comes to feelings, correct?”

For the first time that night, Jaemin felt himself being silent and being able to respond to the words Donghyuck at him. This gave the latter an advantage to speak up about his thoughts.

“Jaemin,” Donghyuck said as he sat up straight and looked into the other’s eyes.

“You like Renjun, don’t you?”

The other gulped as his palms started to sweat. Oh how much Jaemin wanted to move on from his feelings for his best friend. But he couldn’t. It was too much to the point he was sure he needed to see a surgeon to remove his heart from his body.

Instead of an outlash from the other, Jaemin did not expect for Donghyuck to hug him instead. 

He was thinking of any logical reason as to why Donghyuck would hug him, that being the exact reason why he didn’t bring himself to hug the other. Donghyuck didn’t mind about it one bit, though.

Donghyuck hummed as he gathered his thoughts and prepared himself for the next words he was about to say.

“Jaemin, can you promise me to promise Renjun about the forever I promised him?”

This caused Jaemin’s eyes to grow twice its size as he pulled back from the hug Donghyuck initiated.

“Donghyuck,” Jaemin said, his hands laying firm on the other’s shoulders.

“Jaemin, it’s okay. If it means to see Renjun happy, then I would willingly do this for him to be happy.”

“But Donghyuck, he is at his happiest when he is with you,” Jaemin’s voice was probably pleading at this point.

Donghyuck simply smiled as he brought a hand to Jaemin’s hand on his shoulder. He slowly pulled it off and held it. His smile was broken, and the other was not sure what he was supposed to feel at that.

Donghyuck started to draw circles as he breathed in and out.

“Jaemin, you may only say that because that is what you see now, but I assure you, as you and Renjun go back to being the closest pair that you are, then you would realize that he will always be at his happiest with you.”

There was sadness in the other’s voice, Jaemin noticed. Was he supposed to be happy? He wasn’t sure, but what he wasn’t sure was that if he was going to just let Donghyuck end what he had with Renjun.

“Donghyuck, there is still hope. You can still fix this!”

“Jaemin, I’m sorry,” at this point, Donghyuck had let go of the other’s hand.

He stood up as he looked up at the night sky for one last time before he headed up to their shared apartment.

Before he could move forward though, he felt Jaemin grabbed onto his wrists, as if stopping him from doing whatever he was going to do.

Donghyuck could feel the emotions from the hold Jaemin was having, but he couldn’t. How exactly could a person fix something that has been broken? Broken to the point it was like a shattered glass that had broken into a thousand pieces.

And for the second time that night, he apologized to Jaemin and moved away from his hold. Then, he started to walk away, not sparing a glance at the other.

Jaemin sighed as he kicked at the air. There was no use, but what can he do? It wasn’t like it was his relationship.

  
  
  


**nana**

_renjun_

_i am so sorry_

_i did everything i could_

**huang junnie**

_oh_

_It’s okay, na_

_thank you_

**nana**

_i really am sorry, renjun_

**huang junnie**

_i know_

_but knowing donghyuck for the past years,_

_i just know he wouldn’t end this without a proper closure_

  
  
  


Renjun closed his phone as he placed it on his bedside table. He turned around so his position was facing the wall as he closed his eyes.

He could hear the door opening and closing, and then the footsteps of Donghyuck going straight to his bed.

Since he wasn’t facing towards the other, Renjun failed to see the sadness in Donghyuck’s eyes and also failed to hear the broken _I am sorry_ the other had let out before he laid on his bed and covered himself in his own covers.

It was that night that Renjun thought that hope was nothing but a feeling that an individual should never engage themselves with.

  
  
  
  


The next morning, Donghyuck woke up to see no one laying on the bed across his. He didn’t want to assume and think that Renjun must be in a distraught position right now, but what can he do? His mind had been always thinking of worst case scenarios for the past days.

The feelings of uneasiness disappeared when he smelled newly cooked food from the kitchen of their apartment. 

And so, Donghyuck stood up and headed towards the kitchen. When he arrived, he was greeted by the sight of Renjun setting up the little table they had in preparation for breakfast.

Donghyuck was confused. Just why was the other doing all of this?

“Renjun,” he called out. 

Sadly, the other didn’t listen.

“Renjun.”

“Huang Renjun.”

“Donghyuck,” Renjun finally said.

Donghyuck was about to say something, but Renjun had already added to his previous statement.

“Sit, you need to eat before you continue with your work.”

And if Donghyuck hadn’t noticed the way Renjun’s eyes were heavy and droopy before, right now, he saw how lifeless the other’s face looked like. It was as if all the positive emotions had been sucked out of him.

Donghyuck sighed internally as he sat down on his usual seat, afraid to disappoint Renjun.

_A few more days, Renjun._

_A few more days until you can finally break free from this hell._

As they ate, Renjun couldn’t help but to spare a glance at the person in front of him as much as he could. He knew, he knew that this was probably going to be the last meals they were having together. It was no doubt that he didn’t know about how Donghyuck started to slip away when he first met Jeno during their junior year.

Renjun wasn’t sure what happened between them, but there was one thing he knew.

And that he was going to treasure every last he and Donghyuck were about to have in the next days.

  
  
  
  


Renjun wasn’t sure if he was supposed to follow Donghyuck, but he probably had no choice but to. 

  
  


**my first and last**

_renjun_

_meet me at the auditorium after class_

_it’s okay if you won’t come_

_i would understand_

**my forever love**

_no no_

_it’s okay_

_i’ll be there_

  
  


Renjun told himself not to expect the worst possibility there is, but seeing how their relationship has been for the past days, he couldn’t help it.

With Donghyuck not giving him morning and night kisses, with Donghyuck not hugging him the first thing in the morning, with Donghyuck not begging him to wear couple outfits, and with Donghyuck singing to him every time he would get stressed. 

With that not happening anymore, he was certain that the worst possibility that had ever crossed his mind would happen today.

And he hopes that it wouldn’t hurt like the one he saw in the movies and what he had read in books.

  
  
  


Classes had passed slowly, and Renjun thought that he was about to go crazy if he would listen to another lecture. So when it was finally over, he was glad that he didn’t have to sit in another lecture hall for the next hour.

The feeling of gladness washed away quickly though as he remembered the message he had received from Donghyuck earlier.

With a heavy heart and a mind clouded with sadness, he started his agonizing journey towards the auditorium. His mind not knowing what to expect.

But what he didn’t expect when he arrived at the auditorium was for it to be dark, and the only light shining was the one on stage. It was more like a spotlight, if Renjun were to tell.

He closed the door behind him, and entered further into the facility. It was quiet, with him being the only person there.

“Hello?” he called out, “Donghyuck, are you there?”

At first, there was no response. But the more he moved forward, the more evident the mop of familiar hair came into view.

Normally, Renjun would have already gone running, his arms ready to engulf Donghyuck in one big hug that he knew that other wouldn’t be able to escape.

That wasn’t the case for today though.

And so, he sighed as he continued towards his way to where Donghyuck sat.

When he arrived, he flashed a smile at the other, who simply nodded and patted at the seat next to him.

There weren’t any words to be exchanged, both having mutual feelings for today. For they both knew that the forever they once promised each other was nothing more than a broken promise.

Renjun settled in the seat next to Donghyuck, and soon after, all the lights went out, and the only thing that was left illuminating was the screen in front of them.

_It was a video_ , Renjun thought to himself as he noticed the screen started to move.

The video was flashing the pictures and the clips they took since their first day of being a couple until their recent dates. From the sharing of ice cream to the shared kisses in amusement parks. From the pranks they pulled to each other to the pictures they took of each other as a joke.

Then the part that Renjun knew would hurt him the most.

The next clip flashed prom night, the night Donghyuck had asked him to be his boyfriend. It would have been beautiful, if Renjun were watching this in his 30s with the other being his husband.

But he wasn’t. He was watching this as a closure for their relationship.

Renjun could feel tears coming in as he saw how clueless he looked at first when the DJ played a love song, and at how his face turned into a smile when he saw Donghyuck come out of nowhere, bringing flowers and all those cheesy stuff.

It was like a movie, with Donghyuck doing one hell of a stunt as his way of professing his love to him.

And if Donghyuck were to be honest, he would say that he could hear Renjun holding back his sobs. He would love to tell the other that it was okay to cry, but who was he to do that? It was his fault that this relationship was walking on thin ice.

And if Renjun were to be brutally honest, he would say what had hurt him the most was not the pictures and clips being flashed in the video, but the music. The lyrics, the tune, the beat. It screamed break-up vibes.

Though he was too deep in the content of each clip, he managed to grasp a lyric or two from the background music.

_Faded in my last song_

_Promise forever_

_You can deceive me with lies_

_My last song that I couldn’t hide from you_

The lyrics, that was the one that hurted him the most. And as he could finally listen to the song in the background, he couldn’t stop himself from crying. So now, Renjun was a crying mess next to the person who was now about to be known as his ex-boyfriend.

“Renjun,” Donghyuck called from beside him, his voice as fragile as he was.

“Yes, Donghyuck?” Renjun replied as he looked up from his lap, his teary eyes meeting with Donghyuck’s glossy ones.

_So I wasn’t the only one trying to hold back tears then,_ he thought.

Donghyuck reached something from behind him, and it revealed to be a box. It looked expensive, but did Renjun care at that moment? No, he wasn’t. His mind only thinking that this was his final moments with Donghyuck.

“Renjun,” Donghyuck started, “in this box, it has everything that we had shared. From clothes to perfumes, you name it. Since I was the one who fell out of love, I think it was much better if you were to keep it. You had done so well at keeping this relationship alive that I feel guilty whenever I think of you.”

“Then why? Why must you leave? We can always work this out together,” Renjun said in between sobs.

Donghyuck placed his hands on Renjun’s as he drew circles on it.

“ _Junnie_ , as much as I want to try, you know this won’t work. The relationship has gone too far down in the drain that no matter what strategy we would use, it would never come back up.”

_Junnie_. 

Hearing it now felt foreign to Renjun’s ears. Maybe because the emotion that used to be in that nickname was gone.

“But, we have already gone through so much together. Why can’t we overcome this?” Renjun asked.

“There are things better left unsaid than to be said, Renjun,” Donghyuck said as quiet as he could.

Donghyuck stretched out his arm to give Renjun the box that contained a lot of precious memories of theirs, and a gift. A gift that he had promised to give the latter once they would reach their 10th anniversary. Sadly, it had to be given sooner.

Renjun simply accepted it, though he was hesitant at first.

He chuckled at the thought at how he was so unprepared for this, and that he should’ve gotten Donghyuck something to keep as well.

More tears came as Renjun finally realized that this was their _last_ together.

It broke Donghyuck’s heart seeing the other like this, so as careful as he could, he opened his arms then pulled the other closer to himself. He hummed a tune he knew would help calm Renjun down, but no matter what method he would use, he was aware that there was nothing to calm down the latter.

“I am so sorry, Renjun. I know that I promised you a forever, but the forever we thought we had was nothing but a dream.”

“Nothing is your fault, Donghyuck. It isn’t your fault that your heart chose someone over me.”

“I am so sorry,” Donghyuck repeated.

“I know,” Renjun replied.

Donghyuck sniffed as he held back in his tears. He patted Renjun in the back for one last time as he pulled away from the other. He held onto the other’s shoulders as he flashed him a smile.

“Promise me that you will find happiness again, Renjun.”

Renjun couldn’t hold back his tears at this point, “B-but—”

“Renjun, promise me?”

Renjun nodded as he wiped away his tears as he tried to smile, “I promise you, Donghyuck.”

Donghyuck smiled one last time to Renjun as he stood up from his seat.

“I am glad that I managed to have all my firsts with you, Huang Renjun. Maybe in our next life, we would be able to finish the forever we had once promised.”

Those were the last words that Donghyuck told Renjun that day, which meant that Renjun was left all alone in the auditorium with the background music coming to its end.

He cried even harder when he realized what the lyrics were saying. He cried so hard that he found himself hugging the box as if it was Donghyuck himself.

_Faded in my last song_

_Don’t know what I’m saying_

_I have to let you go from my memory_

_The weather called you is over, my last long_

  
  
  
  
  


༒❦༒︎

  
  
  
  
  
  


_a few years later_

Christmas came faster than usual, in Renjun’s opinion. It was like yesterday was just his birthday, and suddenly it was now Christmas.

Christmas songs were being played in every corner of Seoul, and Renjun felt warm inside. Christmas was always one of the most anticipated holidays and he was glad that he was about to spend it with his family, who decided to visit South Korea for the holiday.

As he was about to get the thing he had been looking at since he had arrived at the store, a hand had also reached at the same time as he was.

“Hey, I think this is mine,” Renjun said as he looked up from his hand to the person who had also attempted to get what he was getting.

He gasped for he didn’t expect the person who he was going to see was the person who he had shared all of his firsts with.

“It’s been a while, Huang Renjun.”

“It’s been a while, Lee Donghyuck.”

**Author's Note:**

> leave a kudos and a comment! <3
> 
> [https://twitter.com/jaejaesus](twitter)  
> [curiouscat.qa/119th](cc)


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